


Setheneran

by DarkSakura



Series: Tales of Erafen ( Dragon Age ) [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Elvhen, F/M, POV Solas, Retelling, Setheneran, The Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 14:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3451022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSakura/pseuds/DarkSakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a retelling of chapters 35-36 of Outside-In from the perspective of one ancient elven god pretending to be an unwashed apostate hobo mage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Setheneran

“Solas, there was a are you wanted to show me, did you not?” Erafen finally asked. “We've been everywhere but this place where the Veil is thin. _Setheneran_?”

 _So she remembered_ , he considered, mentally cursing to himself. Of course she did, bright and perceptive as his beloved was, and he resigned himself. He did bring it up at first, of course, but the idea of telling her the truth was easier in theory than practice. “Of course. It’s a place that is very special to me. Imagine my surprise to find that wyverns took it over,” he told her.

“They’re not there now, are they?” Erafen wondered. There was no trace of fear, only curiosity.

“No, they shouldn't have returned. A spirit dwells in the Fade there now to protect it,” Solas explained, and he led the way.

The walk wasn't terribly far; most of their adventuring had been on foot so they could enjoy the scenery without being limited to roads. Solas knew the location; a statue bearing his avatar guarded the area, worn with the passage of time. It was here that he spent his long slumber, hidden away from the outside world.

“You were right,” ‘Fen told him as they entered. “The Veil is thin here. It tingles. It’s… glorious.”

“This place is indeed ancient, and save for its previous tenants, untouched these centuries,” Solas informed her, mind racing over the various ways to approach the subject worrying him. “I brought you here because this has been a place of beginnings and endings, a place of decisions and events that have transformed fates. It was this place that I hoped to show you what you mean to me.”

Erafen looked over her shoulder at him, turning to face the other elf. She sent him one of the impish grins he’d come to love. “I have some ideas,” she told him with a wink.

“I will bear that in mind,” Solas replied, amused. He couldn't ignore the rush of desire she always evoked. “But no, the only thing I have to offer you is the truth.”

“I know the truth,” Erafen said gently. “Unless it is the _rest_ of the truth.”

Solas approached, taking her hands, and he looked her face over, searching for the fear any other person would see. He did not find it, and that, more than any anticipation, unnerved him, banishing his courage. “Your _vallaslin_ ,” he said, and cursed himself mentally.

“What dedicated me to that which Mythal represents,” his _vhen’an_ told him.

“They are slave markings,” Solas said, angry with himself but not letting it show. “Owners would mark slaves with those in honor of the gods they served. I know that’s not why you took the markings of Mythal, but…”

“No, I.. I understand. They still are a remnant of a time of suffering, and the Dalish forgot,” she replied, though he saw the sadness in her eyes. "Another thing my people got wrong.”

“I did not tell you to hurt you. I know they do not define you,” he told her gently, wanting to kiss the sadness from her eyes. “There is a spell. I can remove the _vallaslin_ if you wish.” At the very least, he could free her from the shackles of the past.

Erafen touched her cheeks, and Solas thought she might refuse. “I took them after a human tried to rape me,” she said plainly. “It was why I was nervous our first time, do you remember? My magic erupted; I killed him. Mythal, to me, symbolized protection, what I wanted to do for my people.” Her chin tilted up, proudly and almost defiant in that way he so loved. “I need no markings to be a protector or to remind myself of my own strength. Cast your spell; remove the _vallaslin_.”

“You have… moved on, then,” Solas considered, again thinking that perhaps it wasn’t too late to end the decption. “Come, sit.”

The two went closer to the edge of the small pond, kneeling in front of each other. Solas held his hands over Erafen’s face, mentally casting the spell that would return the skin to its newness, to the healthy flesh before the marks of blood were etched into it. The tree branches, to him, always made Erafen look a bit like a cat with long whiskers. Seeing them gone, her face took on a softer feel, made her look more mature.

“ _Ar lasa mala revas_ ,” Solas said solemnly, and he stood, helping Erafen up. “You are… so beautiful.” Unbidden, he felt a stirring, desiring her as he did no other.

“I was always free, you know,” Erafen told him softly. “The marks only bound me to memory.”

“I would have you bound to nothing,” he told her. His hand found her now-bare cheek, brushing loose copper strands out of the way, and he moved in, his kiss gentle at first, deepening as Erafen slid her arms around him. Her leg lifted when Solas insistently grabbed her rear. He wanted her. If he couldn’t tell her the truth, he would give it up, then and there. Fen’Harel would fall into legend again, and Solas would live for this glorious creature he’d worked to grant her birthright.

He pulled back to look at her, the love in his face present, but conscience took over again. The truth would bind her as much as any _vallaslin_. He did change her; she was already glorious, and he sought to make her more, to take her brief life and extend it for his own desire. Steadying his voice, he spoke. “And I must free you again. I will not bind you to my duty. This cannot happen again.”

He went to take a step back, but Erafen reached for his arm. He couldn’t look at her, knowing it would crumble his resolve and burn it to ashes.

“Solas, look at me,” she said.

“ _Vhen’an_ , please,” he told her, resolve still arguing against his wants. "I can’t."

He heard Erafen take a deep breath, making up her mind. “ _Din. Tel’jutuas ara’vir_.”

“ _Vhen’an_ , you…” Solas froze, turning despite his fear to look her in the eyes, his own widening in realization.

Erafen released her breath. Solas feared what would come out when she spoke, and her one word solidified it.

“Fen’harel.”

 _My clever clever heart_ , he thought immediately, despite his apparent shock. The air hung heavy between them, and he found he couldn’t say a word. Erafen repeated her statement, that he would not decide her path, and again she said his name, his true name, almost as if she savored its taste.

His body shook with shock; there was no leaving now. Solas finally turned around fully to face Erafen, hand reaching out to her throat to trace invisible lines where he’d taken her by the neck in the Fade to test her resolve. She was so fearless, so beautiful. This trap was far more effective than any Andruil ever tried to snare him with.

“I was not careful enough,” he finally said. “I was selfish; I did not want to lose you.”

“I’m not an idiot,” she snapped, showing her teeth as it were. “You _wanted_ me to catch you. You brought me here to confess, and then you lost your nerve. Why else would you take me a place where the Fade’s touch feels like _yours_? Why bring me here this place guarded by a statue dedicated to you?”

“You are not wrong,” Solas, managed, voice low. He felt the edge of anger, not at her, but at himself. “About any of this. About me.”

“Then why end things?” Erafen asked him, voice shaking. "Why do this?!”

“ _Vhen’an_ …” he faltered.

“Don't ' _vhen'an_ ' me! What is the truth?!” her voice rose, and she reached for him, her hand at his throat even as his held hers. "Tell me!”

The words came before he could stop them. “I love you!” His voice broke even as it grew louder, edged with bitter anger. "It has always been the truth!” Again he swallowed the rage he knew she could see in his eyes.

“Then why leave me as if you do not?!” she demanded. Solas resisted the urge to take her in his arms, to beg her not to ask these questions.

“To keep you safe! To keep your hands clean of my mistakes!” he snapped in return, the anger rising again. “To… to make sure I see this through. I saw myself giving up _everything_ for you.”

“And who said you get to decide this for me? Ancient ancestral god or no, whatever or whoever you are, I am not a child to have you dictate my life! You can show me the respect to at least discuss this with me. I will decide where my fate leads!” Erafen bit her lip immediately, eyes watering even as she stared defiantly at him.

“Do you not trust me?” Her voice shook.

“It is not _you_ I distrust,” Solas growled, this time no longer holding back. His was voice deep and low in contrast to his prior outburst, very much the Dread Wolf. He didn't trust himself, didn't trust those other _shemlen_ to respect her.

"If I am not worth giving up whatever this is you must do, please tell me. I am not so selfish that I would have you give up that which was likely centuries in the planning," she said, her voice quivering. "But I will not have you leave me without telling me why. I will not have you decide for me as if I were some helpless child that needs someone to think for her.”

"That is the problem," he told her, his tone softening, his own resolve shattering. "You _are_ worth it.”

His heart thundered in his chest, his mind reeling, and all he could do was release her throat and pull Erafen close against his chest, sighing into her hair and kissing the top of her head. He could feel her shaking in his arms, hear her choking back sobs, and again he cursed himself for doing this to her.

“Tell me”, he heard her say, and she moved off, gripping his hand and guiding him to a log where they’d dropped their packs. Solas sat, but he couldn't look at her again, instead wringing his hands before him.

“I did an unforgivable thing,” he said. “I took my perfect heart and tried to make her more than she was. I did not want to watch you fall as many others did. I didn't want to see that will broken, see you be any less than what I saw in you. You _know_ what I did.”

“And you did not do this against my will,” Erafen told him. “You offered; I accepted. It’s not your call to decide if I should forgive you or not.”

“You accepted without even knowing what it was offered, my heart, and I made no attempt to tell you. How can you accept that?” He turned to look at her. No, he’d tricked her into it, wearing the form of the Wolf to manipulate her.

"You did tell me, with what you spoke of Ghilan'nain, when you let me see the truth as you spoke to Abelas," Erafen insisted.

"It was still a betrayal," Solas told her. "You were deceived. I deceived you. This knowledge came after the fact.”

“Deceived? Really? Think of everything I've learned. My entire world was turned upside down, the foundations of what I knew ripped from under me. The only constant I had was you, the Inquisition, my quest for knowledge, and now this connection to the Fade. I see so much more now, feel so much! How can you ask me to regret this gift?” Erafen let out an exasperated groan, eyes trailing up to the starry night sky overhead in her frustration. “How could I regret you?”

“You would still insist on remaining with me even with things I must do, things I still can’t reveal?” he asked. “Even if it means I must walk away again? You already realized that I may have to leave when this business with Corypheus is over." He let out a long harsh sigh. " _Vhen'an,_ I have done many things…”

“If we are separated by circumstance, then we are,” Erafen said. “But do not destroy the one brilliant piece of perfection to ever grace this ugly brutish world. As for the rest, did you not see there’s nothing I won’t try to understand? Forgiveness is far better than holding onto bitterness. We could have a future.”

Solas was silent, unwilling to move to break the quiet that surrounded them. Of course she would know what to say to break through, to give him reason to rethink his decision. How often had Erafen said she valued respect and trust? And her words, _brilliant piece of perfection_ , truly were the most accurate description of the feeling of being with her.  Finally, he reached out to brush ‘Fen’s hair aside. When he spoke, his voice broke again, the words almost a whisper, words she’d ask him before coming to his lips. “What is the truth?”

“I love you,” she said, facing him, leaning her cheek into his touch. The newly healed skin felt as soft  and smooth as the finest silk.

“And that is enough?” he wondered.

“It is.” Erafen’s smile was a ray of light through grey clouds.

"Do you forgive me?" Solas found himself able to meet her eyes steadily this time.

"Always," 'Fen replied, tears flowing freely.

“I did not want you bound,” he told her, still not trusting his voice.

“Far too late for that. _Undirthas ame revas, esayan ea nar_. I chose. I would rather have one breath between us or not breathe at all.” Erafen reached to the pouch at her hip, hands shaking as she produced a smaller leather-wrapped parcel. "You said breath is life, and a shared breath unites lives. Those words are spoken at _saota_.”

Solas watched her untie the leather laces, frayed from years of being carried around. The way Erafen treated it, it was the most precious artifact from her short lifetime. _Saota_ , though. The Dalish must have kept some variation of the old vows of marriage from his time. He’d been willing to throw his quest away to spend forever with Erafen; now she was allowing him both.

“This was my father’s, and my mother retrieved it after he died,” she continued, unwrapping the folded skin to reveal a pair of rings, made of silverite and ironwood. “Dalish custom, yes, but I wanted you to have one.”

“A promise,” he said. His breath caught.

“A future,” Erafen amended. “Both, actually.”

“When Corypheus is defeated, I do not know what will happen,” he told her. "I don't know what comes after, what sort of future that will be.”

“I don’t need to be at your side to have you with me,” she replied.

"Erafen..." He sighed her name.

“Do I have forever?” She bit her lip. ”I am no goddess, nor will I ever see myself as such, but I know I am changed. One can't touch that primal breath and not be.”

“I don’t know. I’m one being, and it took all of us before to elevate Ghilan'nain,” he explained, remembering the effort it took. “I gave you what I had. I would give more if I could. My heart, do you _want_ forever?” He would rip his heart out to extend her life if he could. He tried to grant it to her on his own, that primal force made him a ‘god’, but he alone was not enough.

“ _Now_ he asks,” Erafen said, laughing under her breath. Clearly she didn’t miss the irony. "I want the future," she said firmly. "If forever is in this world or the Fade, so be it.”

Solas looked her face over, eyes finally settling on hers again. “If I have learned one thing in my many years, in my wanderings in the Fade, it’s that nothing is forever. There are no inevitabilities. The future is ever unknown.”

“Then why try to decide mine for me?” Erafen asked, ever challenging.

“I believe I have learned my lesson, _vhen’an_ ,” he replied quietly, honestly. "A mistake I will not repeat.” At this point, he wasn’t certain which was the mistake, but there was no avoiding this, no turning her away again.

“So a question remains: are we over? Do we part ways here?” When he turned to her, her eyes met his firmly. “Do you want to end this between us? If it’s what you honestly desire, I won’t refuse. I won’t like it, but I also won’t decide for you, either.”

“No,” came the low reply, and it was the truth. He couldn't do it again. “My intention, as you guessed, was a confession, to tell you everything. You were right: I lost my nerve like a coward. The thought of rejection, I admit, was one I couldn't take.” He didn't tell her just how close to panic he’d felt from fear that she might reject him.

“Silly love,” Erafen chided. “I am rather fond of calling you 'Solas'. It’s fitting.”

He let out a sound, more a huff than a laugh. Him, silly? Perhaps that was true. “You are still so fearless.”

“And you, my love, are not infallible,” he heard her tease. “Proud, yes, but as foolish as anyone afflicted with relationship woes. How many people have I known that overthink things where love is concerned? Ever since we began this, I've had to remind myself, sometimes forcefully, that respect and trust are at the core.”

Solas reached to Erafen's hand, taking the larger ring from the pair resting in the unfolded leather, and carefully, he slipped it on his own finger. There was no arguing anymore, no turning away, no leaving her. "I have nothing for you in return, _vhen’an_."

"Not so," she replied. "There is something you can give me. _Ar isalan_ …"

Even as she said she desired him, even after he broke and repaired her heart, confessed his sins and let her absolve him, it still seemed unreal that this free and marvelous spirit wanted to be joined to him. Another pang of guilt gripped him, fear for his beloved arguing with the pain she expressed and he felt. He silenced all argument by moving in to capture her mouth with his, bringing her into his arms. They parted only enough to share breath, and it was Solas who started the ancient vows.

“ _No distance separates those who join breath_ ,” he began in Elvhen, pausing as Erafen repeated it. “ _My breath joins yours. My spirit joins yours. My heart joins yours. I join you._ ” Erafen repeated the words, moving back to meet his eyes, and then they both stood, going to the water’s edge.

In the ancient days, to wed, _himasa_ , was a private event, a bond that only involved the people joining. It was the ultimate expression of love, requiring a physical union to symbolize the emotional and spiritual union. At the water’s edge, he moved to join with her, and she accepted him, the pair repeating the vows in strained whispers. There was nothing more to be said after that, nothing that could break this, not even the sins committed by a god.

When he was spent, Solas held to his bride, letting her head rest on his arm, his mouth at her neck as he murmured his love for her, the one constant truth he always could say. Erafen was falling into the Fade already, her body relaxed in front of his. His hand trailed over her, coming to rest at her middle, and Solas might have joined her in the Fade if not for an odd stirring he felt. Careful not to wake his lady, he let his aura caress hers, checking her strength and connection to the Fade as he had months ago. What he found, however, made him laugh silently, his breath tickling his beloved’s neck.

Fate, it seemed, was more the trickster than Fen’Harel could ever be. Again he cursed himself for what he’d almost thrown away. Erafen asked him for the future; he’d already delivered it to her at least a few weeks ago. His quest took on new importance; his child would not grow up suffering as the elves of this world did. With this decision, he allowed himself to relax to join Erafen in the Fade.

**Author's Note:**

> I leave my thanks, as always, to my readers and to my tutor in all things Elvhen language (fenxshiral.tumblr.com) as well as Bioware for giving me a fun universe to play in.
> 
> Translations (not all literal) :
> 
> Setheneran - Place where the Veil is thin  
> Vallaslin - Blood writing, Dalish tattoos  
> Ar lasa mala revas - You are now free.  
> Vhen’an - heart  
> Din. Tel’jutuas ara’vir. - No. You don't get to decide my path.  
> Shemlen - human  
> Undirthas ame revas, esayan ea nar. - You said I was free, but I choose you.  
> Saota - Marriage (One from two)  
> Ar isalan... - I desire...  
> Himasa - to wed


End file.
